Let's be honest, I wasn't going to sleep anyway. Poor girl must know somethings up because she just can't be alone tonight. She hasn't really slept, but cuddled and won't let me go.
I just put her down again, which was hard, but I'm trying to keep up her normal pattern as much as possible. We'll see how long she lasts this time.
We found out last week that Cricket has a "mass" between her skull and her brain. We don't know what it is yet, but she is having a CT Scan done this afternoon to try and find out. She had a really bad reaction to the anesthesia from her surgery, and since they have to put her out, that only adds to my stress level.
I had a couple moments during the day yesterday that I really thought I may have to go to the hospital! I have been in near constant pain the last few days, and it was BAD yesterday. I couldn't walk hardly at all. I couldn't turn over in bed. Every time I did walk I was in tears. Contractions were pretty bad, but not regular, so I didn't have that to go off of. I know I've had worse pain, but it's hard to think of that when you are hurting so bad!
I am really stressed about Cricket's test. I know in my heart that things will work out, what ever may happen, but she is my baby and it's impossible to not worry.
I am also stressed about my appt. Now that the time is getting close, but things are so up in the air about Cricket, I'm really not ready to have another baby. I don't want to be pregnant anymore, but the thought of having two kids to worry about, and not knowing what is going to happen with Cricket, and how healthy Little Man will be is giving me anxiety! I'm trying so hard not to worry, because it doesn't do anything productive, but again, so hard not to do as a Mom!
Luckily Hubs will be able to be there with me for Cricket's test. So he can at least be in there with her to hold her hand since I can't. Which breaks my heart that I can't, but I am so grateful he can, and they will let him.
I keep telling myself if I can just make it through one more week, Little Man will be full term, and there will be less worry, but I honestly don't know if I can make it that long. I know many people with much harder pregnancies than I have, but this has been so hard on me in every way possible. I'm exhausted, and just ready to have my boy here. I really feel like I am going to snap any second! I am so on edge, and so tired, and in so much pain. There is only so much brave face and faking it one person can do! I just can't believe my Mom went through this is 7 kids! She is my hero! I can't even imagine what she went through, and how she made it with all us little ones around and being pregnant!
I keep stressing about who to call to come take Cricket if I did need to go in, and until my Mom could get here, but then I realized: Duh, my SIL is up here. And Cricket loves her, and I can trust her. I know people in my ward would help, but it's easier with family somehow. Maybe it will be less of a stress to Cricket that way?
Why does there have to be so many details to worry about? It's really stressful!
Anyway, Enough rambling. Maybe I'll try and take a shower and see if that relaxes me enough to get a couple hours rest. Darn restless leg! Darn stress!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
35 Weeks!
Well, made it through another week.
It has been great to have Cricket home. I have enjoyed it.
Had to take her in to the doctor yesterday because she has a weird thing on her skull. Had to have some xrays done, but we're hoping everything is ok with her. It about broke my heart to not be able to go in with her while she got her xrays done. With being pregnant, they didn't allow me in. I could hear her crying for me, and begging for Mama to come in. After she got a sticker she was good to go :) That's my girl!
It's been a rough week, and I haven't been sleeping well at all. My heartburn has been through the roof, but being able to get out of the house from time to time without feeling super guilty has been nice.
I am excited to be able to see the dr and u/s girl next week and see how things are looking.
Just got to keep on keeping on. 4 more weeks if nothing else right? :)
It has been great to have Cricket home. I have enjoyed it.
Had to take her in to the doctor yesterday because she has a weird thing on her skull. Had to have some xrays done, but we're hoping everything is ok with her. It about broke my heart to not be able to go in with her while she got her xrays done. With being pregnant, they didn't allow me in. I could hear her crying for me, and begging for Mama to come in. After she got a sticker she was good to go :) That's my girl!
It's been a rough week, and I haven't been sleeping well at all. My heartburn has been through the roof, but being able to get out of the house from time to time without feeling super guilty has been nice.
I am excited to be able to see the dr and u/s girl next week and see how things are looking.
Just got to keep on keeping on. 4 more weeks if nothing else right? :)
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Reminders
I'm not gonna lie, I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself the last couple weeks.
I know, I know.
I know it doesn't seem like I am trying to see the positive in life, and the situation, but I truly have.
Anyway, tonight I was talking to a friend, and we were discussing a girl who had been trying for 7 years to have a baby and still hasn't been able to. My friend has also been trying for quite some time to have another baby.
I know the heartache that brings. Although we didn't try for 7 years to get pregnant, we did try for several years, and every miscarriage was pure heartbreak.
She also told me about a girl that had an incredibly difficult pregnancy and literally had to have an ultrasound every 4 minutes, and had to spend nearly her pregnancy in the hospital.
I was also reminded of a sweet mother that gave birth to twins at 24 weeks. One of them passed.
I just can't help but think how lucky I have been. Although it has been an incredibly hard pregnancy, we have had many setbacks, and issues. Also there is that little matter of the incredibly long bedrest business.
But I can't help but think how blessed I have been that even though I have been down, I was able to be down in my own home. I have had great support from my family, and my husband, and I have an incredible doctor. I'm slowly getting closer to the finish line with this pregnancy, and even if Little Man did come early, things would be ok.
I feel deep sorrow for the pain the these women went through, and are going through, but I am glad for a little perspective, and a little reminder that my own troubles could be worse.
I know, I know.
I know it doesn't seem like I am trying to see the positive in life, and the situation, but I truly have.
Anyway, tonight I was talking to a friend, and we were discussing a girl who had been trying for 7 years to have a baby and still hasn't been able to. My friend has also been trying for quite some time to have another baby.
I know the heartache that brings. Although we didn't try for 7 years to get pregnant, we did try for several years, and every miscarriage was pure heartbreak.
She also told me about a girl that had an incredibly difficult pregnancy and literally had to have an ultrasound every 4 minutes, and had to spend nearly her pregnancy in the hospital.
I was also reminded of a sweet mother that gave birth to twins at 24 weeks. One of them passed.
I just can't help but think how lucky I have been. Although it has been an incredibly hard pregnancy, we have had many setbacks, and issues. Also there is that little matter of the incredibly long bedrest business.
But I can't help but think how blessed I have been that even though I have been down, I was able to be down in my own home. I have had great support from my family, and my husband, and I have an incredible doctor. I'm slowly getting closer to the finish line with this pregnancy, and even if Little Man did come early, things would be ok.
I feel deep sorrow for the pain the these women went through, and are going through, but I am glad for a little perspective, and a little reminder that my own troubles could be worse.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
34 weeks
Well folks, it has been a long 34 weeks, and and even longer past 4 months of complete bedrest.
It's officially here, I wasn't sure we were going to make it, but we did.
Little Man has been baking for long enough now, that the Dr has okayed me to be off full bedrest.
Hopefully being able to get up and move around a little will help progress things.
5 more weeks. 5 more weeks. There is an end in sight. 5 more weeks.
It's officially here, I wasn't sure we were going to make it, but we did.
Little Man has been baking for long enough now, that the Dr has okayed me to be off full bedrest.
Hopefully being able to get up and move around a little will help progress things.
5 more weeks. 5 more weeks. There is an end in sight. 5 more weeks.
Monday, May 16, 2011
And another...
It seems like every drs appt brings another set of challenges to this pregnancy. This too shall pass.
Looks like Little Man isn't in fact gaining the weight that he should be, that we thought he was gaining. The dr thinks my placenta isn't giving him the proper amount of nutrients to thrive. It also looks like he isn't growing properly, and the dr is concerned his growth and development may be stunted. My fluid levels are a bit low. So they are going to be doing more tests and such over the next two weeks to determine if he can thrive in the womb, or if he needs to be removed so that he can catch up.
In happy news I am off bedrest as of this Wednesday. I'll be 34 weeks by then, and his lungs will be developed enough he won't have to have any steroid shots.
Looks like Little Man isn't in fact gaining the weight that he should be, that we thought he was gaining. The dr thinks my placenta isn't giving him the proper amount of nutrients to thrive. It also looks like he isn't growing properly, and the dr is concerned his growth and development may be stunted. My fluid levels are a bit low. So they are going to be doing more tests and such over the next two weeks to determine if he can thrive in the womb, or if he needs to be removed so that he can catch up.
In happy news I am off bedrest as of this Wednesday. I'll be 34 weeks by then, and his lungs will be developed enough he won't have to have any steroid shots.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
4 lbs 14 oz
Had an ultrasound today. Little Man is weighing in at 4 lbs 14 oz. About a pound heavier than we were expecting which is great news! Especially since he would have to be at the 5 lb mark to be able to leave the hospital if he were born now.
The u/s tech had a hard time getting good shots of Little Man because of all my contractions. But so far not dilating. Shocker. She is keeping a good eye on my fluid levels cause if they drop they will take him early. Sadly, we (the nurses, u/s tech and dr) are kind of hoping for either some dilation or just low enough fluid levels that they would be able to take him. I am so incredibly miserable, and am really not sure how much more I can handle. I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I can't lay down, I can't sit up. Everything makes me sick, and I am so irritated and annoyed right now, I think I may snap.
Don't think I am a horrible person. Little Man is doing well, and is healthy, but I need to be able to have enough strength and energy to have this baby when it's time too. There is really only so much one body can handle.
We'll see what the coming days and weeks bring.
The u/s tech had a hard time getting good shots of Little Man because of all my contractions. But so far not dilating. Shocker. She is keeping a good eye on my fluid levels cause if they drop they will take him early. Sadly, we (the nurses, u/s tech and dr) are kind of hoping for either some dilation or just low enough fluid levels that they would be able to take him. I am so incredibly miserable, and am really not sure how much more I can handle. I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I can't lay down, I can't sit up. Everything makes me sick, and I am so irritated and annoyed right now, I think I may snap.
Don't think I am a horrible person. Little Man is doing well, and is healthy, but I need to be able to have enough strength and energy to have this baby when it's time too. There is really only so much one body can handle.
We'll see what the coming days and weeks bring.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The light
So I am sitting here on the good ole futon I call home these days, munching on a doughnut nearly the size of my head. I have been craving one for weeks, and finally decided to treat myself to one after my Drs appt this morning. Hey I had to pick up my prescriptions anyway ;)
The dr has me on two more weeks of full bedrest, which would put me at 34 weeks (A safe zone for baby, good lung development, weight, etc), and then I am free to do what I feel like I can handle doing. And if I go into full labor (Which is unlikely apparently, since my cervix is a million miles long, and I just don't dilate), they wont stop me!
Chances are I will have to wait until 39 weeks to have Little Man via c-section, but knowing that I only have 2 more weeks in bed is such a delight! I have been hearing for months about the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's finally, finally here!
I still have to see the dr every two weeks, have tests at the hospital, and see the u/s person on the weeks between my drs appts, so I will still be pretty busy with appts to make sure things are going ok, but knowing the time is getting shorter is so exciting!
So anytime between 2 weeks from now, and 7 weeks from now, we will have a sweet little cuddly baby to hold :) I couldn't be more excited!
But now, I'm really starting to freak about getting things ready! ;)
The dr has me on two more weeks of full bedrest, which would put me at 34 weeks (A safe zone for baby, good lung development, weight, etc), and then I am free to do what I feel like I can handle doing. And if I go into full labor (Which is unlikely apparently, since my cervix is a million miles long, and I just don't dilate), they wont stop me!
Chances are I will have to wait until 39 weeks to have Little Man via c-section, but knowing that I only have 2 more weeks in bed is such a delight! I have been hearing for months about the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's finally, finally here!
I still have to see the dr every two weeks, have tests at the hospital, and see the u/s person on the weeks between my drs appts, so I will still be pretty busy with appts to make sure things are going ok, but knowing the time is getting shorter is so exciting!
So anytime between 2 weeks from now, and 7 weeks from now, we will have a sweet little cuddly baby to hold :) I couldn't be more excited!
But now, I'm really starting to freak about getting things ready! ;)
Monday, May 2, 2011
Catch-up
It's been a week since I blogged last, which on this blog is unheard of :)
Still having many sleepless nights, but they are kept busy with my little toddler bug. So I haven't had much time to think, let alone write.
I'll be honest, it's been an adjustment to have her home, but we are so happy to have our little family back together! Not sure yet how long she will stay, but at least until Thursday... It all depends on my drs appt.
I know I have been slacking on Monday Bliss, I'll catch up someday :)
Little Man had dropped, but it true sibling rivalry, could not be outdone by his older sister's in womb antics, is now back on in my ribs and transverse. But, since we knew a c-section was inevitable this time around anyway, so it's just one more reason to know it's the right thing for this little kiddo.
Hubs is still sick, getting worse in fact, and we had to take him into the dr a second time on Sunday. He is one some pretty heavy meds, and we are really hoping that he can get better really quick, and that Cricket and I don't get the latest version of his illness.
Little Cricket has been a little sick, so she has been very cuddly, and fussy. So we spend a lot of time in the rocking chair.
I thought I was going to lose my mind with her antics today, including flooding the bathroom by trying to flush a huge teddy bear, her baby doll and blanket all at once. But we survived it ;)
Bedrest this past week, hasn't really been there. I have done my best, but with a super sick hubs, and a fussy and clingy sick baby girl, it's kinda hard to lay down and stay down.
I had an incredibly hard day on Saturday, and was pretty sure that I was going to have the baby that day. But alas, here I am still ;) But if it means he can grow and be healthy, we will roll with it.
I only have 2 weeks and 2 days more of full bedrest, and then we will see what it brings! I couldn't be more excited!
My birthday is this weekend, and I am pretty bummed that I won't get to do much, but I'm not 16 anymore, and this is much more important.
Sorry if this all just seems spewed out like word vomit. I just figured I'd get a little post in before Cricket is up again.
Still having many sleepless nights, but they are kept busy with my little toddler bug. So I haven't had much time to think, let alone write.
I'll be honest, it's been an adjustment to have her home, but we are so happy to have our little family back together! Not sure yet how long she will stay, but at least until Thursday... It all depends on my drs appt.
I know I have been slacking on Monday Bliss, I'll catch up someday :)
Little Man had dropped, but it true sibling rivalry, could not be outdone by his older sister's in womb antics, is now back on in my ribs and transverse. But, since we knew a c-section was inevitable this time around anyway, so it's just one more reason to know it's the right thing for this little kiddo.
Hubs is still sick, getting worse in fact, and we had to take him into the dr a second time on Sunday. He is one some pretty heavy meds, and we are really hoping that he can get better really quick, and that Cricket and I don't get the latest version of his illness.
Little Cricket has been a little sick, so she has been very cuddly, and fussy. So we spend a lot of time in the rocking chair.
I thought I was going to lose my mind with her antics today, including flooding the bathroom by trying to flush a huge teddy bear, her baby doll and blanket all at once. But we survived it ;)
Bedrest this past week, hasn't really been there. I have done my best, but with a super sick hubs, and a fussy and clingy sick baby girl, it's kinda hard to lay down and stay down.
I had an incredibly hard day on Saturday, and was pretty sure that I was going to have the baby that day. But alas, here I am still ;) But if it means he can grow and be healthy, we will roll with it.
I only have 2 weeks and 2 days more of full bedrest, and then we will see what it brings! I couldn't be more excited!
My birthday is this weekend, and I am pretty bummed that I won't get to do much, but I'm not 16 anymore, and this is much more important.
Sorry if this all just seems spewed out like word vomit. I just figured I'd get a little post in before Cricket is up again.
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