love.true love.

The Saga continues

You'all thought I was done with the bedrest business didn't ya? Well so did I. Guess we were both wrong.

I was released from the hospital on Sunday mid morning. I went back in that evening.

Turns out I got an infection in my uterus, and it caused a lot of issues.

I have had some major bleeding issues, and if they don't get under control, then I have to be back in the hospital, and have a D&C done to fix it.

So the Doctor (and my mom) have ordered me back on bedrest to see how things go. Not fun.

So my saint of a mother is taking Cricket back home with her tomorrow for a week or so, so that I can rest. If I thought my body could handle the three and a half hour trip, and I didn't have a half million doctors appointments next week, Little Man and I would make the trip too. But alas, we will not.

I cannot believe how much my parents have done for me! I would be completely lost without them! Thank goodness for family.

Hopefully this saga will end soon ;)

Bittersweet

Tomorrow will mark my 5th day in the hospital. It has been a long stay... but I cannot imagine if I were home for this whole ordeal.

Little man is doing well now. The first day he was on the CPAP machine so he could breath, then he started having issues maintaining a good core temp.

I was having a hard time controlling my bleeding for a few days, and we have been having issues with keeping my pain levels down. Since I was on bedrest, and in labor for so long I lost a lot of muscle tone. The dr also had to cut out several inches deep, and several inches wide of scar tissue and adhesions during my c-section. The dr and nurses all told me that this will be a long recovery. Could be close to twice the recovery as my previous c-section. I have always had a problem with excess bleeding, and with the red hair it adds a whole extra set of specialness. Red heads have a tendency to heal slower, bleed more, and have higher scaring rates.

Luckily my Mom will be spending a week helping me out. Bless her heart!

My sweet Little Man has been my saving grace. He is a big cuddler, and senses when I need him for comfort. I have enjoyed every second with him, and holding him brings me back to life, and relaxes my soul. He helps remind me that all of the pain, and lack of sleep is worth it, for a second with him.

I love him so much. He brings such a joy and peace to my soul. I cannot remember life without him in it.

Here's hoping that tomorrow goes well for all of us!

The end...

Or should I say the beginning?

This morning our sweet little boy finally joined our family. It is the moment we have been begging for, for 39 LONG weeks.

He came via c-section at 8:32 AM; weighing in at 7 lbs 13 oz (4 oz shy of his big sister, and about 2 lbs heavier than they predicted on Monday), and 21 inches long.

He is a sweet mellow baby, that loves to cuddle. The cord ended up being wrapped around his neck 3 times. His lungs were not fully developed and he had to be put on the CPAP machine for a couple hours to help, but it doing amazing now.

It's no surprise our little fighter miracle baby has done so well and surprised everyone, and surpassed all expectations.

We all love him so much, and feel like he has always been a part of our lives.

I'll write more later, when I can focus my eyes and mind...

But like I said before, in the end, it's ALL worth it.

Denial

Let's be honest. I have pretty much been opening up a new post a day, but then just staring at the screen, frustrated. I decided to not write anything for fear of it coming across angry, or too emotional.

I kept telling myself if I could just make it through my bedrest, the rest of this pregnancy would be so easy! FALSE. It has literally been one thing after another. Every drs appt is more discouraging, every day (and let's face it, night) more challenging than the last.

I have been in pretty much constant labor since 18 weeks, but the problems I am having and the baby are having are right on the borderline of not being able to do anything, to rushing to have a baby. Everyday it changes, and I grow more and more discouraged.

I am beyond uncomfortable, in near constant pain, can't sleep, can't eat, can't walk, can't sit.

Every time I go to the dr he tells me another reason I will have to have a c-section with this baby. The latest? I had some varicose veins rupture (in an undisclosed location), and between that, swelling, and infection from it, they would be unable to do a "normal" delivery. My favorite part is where he tells me that they can't do anything for me until after the baby is born, and swelling goes down. I had no idea how excruciating a ruptured vein could be!

I was also informed this week, that my previous incision from when I had Cricket did not heal properly (another unfortunate trait for Red-heads), and that is was also attached by scar tissue to my uterus. Which means, that they will have to cut out about an inch wide of my skin around the scar, and several inches of scar tissue when I have the baby. Which means an even longer recovery. Perfect!

I had my last pre-natal visit yesterday morning, and my last round of tests and monitoring at the hospital. Yay! It was so nice to get that done! This time tomorrow I will be getting gowned and put on an iv!

I cannot believe it is already here, I have so much to get done today, and I am really hoping that my body will cooperate to get it done. I am also hoping that by staying busy, the time will pass quickly, and sleep will come easier.

I am having a ton of anxiety about having an actual baby, a second child, birth, healing, you know the normal, but I know that in the end this will all have been worth it!

I cannot wait to finally be able to hold my little boy, and give him the biggest kiss!

7 days....

This is it folks! One week left. I can't wait! I want to snuggle my little guy, and smell that sweet newborn smell, and listen to those sweet little coos.

I am however super tired or ultrasounds, stress tests, blood tests, never ending hospital visits, and drs appts. It is growing really really old.

So far I have been right on the borderline of really bad for the baby. That in turn has caused a whole heap of extra stress for me. The other day I found out that every time I have a tiny contraction (Pretty much couldn't even feel the ones she was pointing out) that his heart rate is dropping 50 points. I don't even want to know what is happening during the big ones! With the cord around his neck so tight, I guess that effects things more. His heart rate is dropping from 140 to 90. But with Utah State law his heart rate would have to be dropping 60 points in order to be determined too much distress. I would think that any distress is too much distress personally, but oh well.

I have two more days of crap at the hospital, and one more drs appt, and then I will have my sweet baby here!

We are first on the schedule as far as c-sections go, so I can have in my arms by hopefully 9 am on Wednesday morning!

I finally took back the living room today. It is no longer Bed-rest Central! The bed is gone, and the swing is all set up and ready for my little sweetie :) My house has been scrubbed down, laundry done. I have one more batch of dishes from dinner tonight, and one more load of laundry, and I can rest.

7 more days. Can I make it? Sure hope so!

I cut you.

Has every woman forgotten what it feels like to get to this stage of pregnancy?!

Seriously if one more person tells me to be patient and let the baby "bake" "he'll come when he is ready, and your body is ready", I will stab them!

As it turns out not everyone's body works like it should. And if your baby isn't growing like it needs too, and needs extra care outside of the womb (Like my baby), it's better for them to come.

Don't tell me your words of wisdom and patience, unless you know the full story, or you know, I actually ask for them? Thanks.

And until then, remember how you felt at this moment in pregnancy, and have a little compassion ok?