Monday bliss

My bliss today:

Finding super cute new shoes for Cricket ($3.00 people!)

Finding cute latex free bandaids for Cricket to have after her surgery (They also match a blanket I made for her :) )

Super cute Baby Boy Blanket fabric. Freshly washed and ready for sewing!

This sweet little Cricket. She sure loves her yogurt!

Um?

Well that was unexpected, and not really necessary at midnight...

Guess we are starting our spring cleaning tonight.

Someone (who shall remain nameless) flooded the bathroom tonight.

But hey we needed to clean out the cabinet and drawers anyway right? :)

Hubs is a stud

My husband is a stud. He went to 3, count them 3 different stores tonight just to get me Sixlets.

Yep. I sure love him.

I (I mean Little Man) really needed them ;)

To do:

Putting together my To Do list for the week.

It used to include things like laundry, dishes, reorganizing a room, deep cleaning, cleaning carpets, shopping, library trip, play dates, etc

Now it includes trying to coordinate drs appts with Hubs' work schedule (I average about 3 a week; this week there is one a day), trying to find things to do so I don't go crazy, calling drs office and setting up appts, talking to the insurance company, paying bills, and other many boring tasks.

This week will be more intense and exciting than most. I am a lucky girl, I get to leave the house every day this week! Hubs has midterms this week, and Cricket has surgery this week. Just have to remind myself to keep things slow and easy, so we don't add bed rest at the hospital to the list :)

Things no one told you...

There are a lot of things I have discovered about being on bedrest that no one told me, and there wasn't really anyway to prepare myself for it.

First is obviously the shock of it all. Everyone deals with shock differently. Much to hubs annoyance most of the time I deal with shock through intense humor. I joke around, and laugh, and pretend like everything is great and I am invincible. I feel like I have to do this so that the people around me don't panic. I feel like if they don't panic then I won't either. When I first started having pre-term labor I called my Mom and laughed as I told her I was having contractions. I don't think she found it very funny.
The whole time I was in the hospital and was meeting with Drs and ultrasound techs, and nurses and such, I laughed and cracked jokes. I still do. I do that while I'm in pain to keep from losing it. The Chiropractor is constantly surprised at my laughing ability instead of screaming in intense pain "like most of the gals".

Secondly comes silent panic. Especially for me. I didn't want to vocalize my fears, and tried to deal quietly with them. I waiting until hubs was at work, and Cricket was down for a nap before I lost it, and sobbed and sobbed. I tried to keep my composure and promised everyone I was fine, and didn't need anything (inside I was secretly falling apart, more and more everyday).
What if something happens to this baby and I didn't do a good enough job staying down? What is Hubs going to do? He already has so much on his plate. How is my house supposed to stay clean? Who is going to take care of the baby? Am I going to end up in the hospital full time? What drugs will I be on? When will the baby come? Will he be healthy?

Then came the intense depression. Which I also hide for a long time. But most of my days I spent in tears, or complete numbness. And it has only gotten worse as time has dragged on.

With the depression, came anxiety, and boredom.

Then my body started giving out, and the little emotional sanity I had left gave out.

With each visit to the dr, and each passing day it only got worse.

My discouragement became overwhelming.

It is really hard to stay positive when your whole world is turned upside down. When even the simplest task can't be done. My bathroom breaks and showers are even on a schedule, and something I have no control over anymore.

I can't do anything I am used to. Instead of being a mom, and wife, I have become an incubator for a child that I stress every second about being able to carry to a point he will survive.

I have never in my life felt so worthless, depressed, stressed, bored, hopeless, helpless, and alone.

I feel like I have given my whole life up, and not by my own choosing. I have received a lot of helpful talks from people, and reminders of it's worth, and how amazing it will be when the baby comes. But I have to say, that is really hard to see when you are in near constant pain every second of everyday. And when you are hormonal and emotional, you really aren't thinking clearly.

I a determined to find the positive, and to keep laughing and push through. I do KNOW that in the end, this will all be worth it, and I will have no regrets.

Just don't judge me too harshly if you catch me on an off and emotional day :) Deal?

Trust me, I know that when Little Man gets here, I will be the happiest mama there ever was, and I won't even think of the literal months of torture I had to go through to get him here, but everyone has bad days. I'm learning to adjust, and deal. I just sometimes wish that I could conquer one battle before the next one starts. But then again don't we all? :)

Bleh

What can I say? It's been a rough one. This week has about killed me in every way.

My saving grace? Spending time with Cricket for a couple days.

We cuddled, and laughed, and sang silly songs. She gave lots of loves, and kisses. It was rough to have her go back, but we get to see her on Wednesday when we pick her up for her surgery.

Only eight more weeks and hopefully life will get slightly more normal. Fingers crossed! Probably more like 14 or 15 weeks lol. But a girl can dream right?

Frog legs

I have always been incredibly flexible. And I have always either slept one of two ways. I either sleep like a frog, or a sleep in full fetal position completely curled in a ball.

Today at the Chiropractor we were discussing my sleep position to determine if that was effecting my pain and muscle tension.

I showed him that I sleep with my legs Indian style and laying down. He had quite a good chuckle at that. Especially with me at 26 weeks.

He was then telling me about some stretches I could do from bed to try and stay loose, and not get cramps, blood clots, and have more complications. He warned me that they are pretty intense for most people to get into, and that at first I may not be able to stretch as much as I might want too. Then he showed me what I needed to do, and laughed out loud when I had no problem at all getting my leg high enough and bent enough to stretch. He said that he had never seen anyone as pregnant as me be able to move like that with no complaint. Guess I am pretty amazing :)

Monday bliss

I almost forgot about my Bliss for Monday.

Today my bliss comes from incredibly good news from friends.

It also comes from a visit from my sweet cousin-friend, and having some much needed girl time.

But most of all it comes from Skyping with my beautiful Cricket. When she is happy and laughing and talking it makes it even better!

Insomnia

I struggle really badly with insomnia, but when I am pregnant it magnifies by 100.

So as a result I have even more free time on my hands, than I did before if that's possible... Time to find a new hobby to keep me busy between the hours of 11 pm and 7 am.

It's amazing what the human body can endure, especially while you are pregnant. As exhausted in every way as I am, I just stay awake :) And keep at it for days, and weeks, and months on end.

My brother asked my Mom yesterday (who got up with the baby cause she was sick) if you ever get sleep again after you have kids. The answer? No! If it's not one keeping you up, its the other... or the worrying. And my poor Mom has lots keeping her up lately. She has my toddler keeping her up, and the worry of her other kids keeping her up. Bless her heart. Let's all pray she gets a nap!

Snapped!

I have tried really hard to find humor and the positive side of this trial. But I must admit it has not been easy. I am still determined, but because I am human, sometimes I fail, miserably.

After over two months of being on flat on your back bed rest I finally snapped. I was really surprised when all was said and done that I hadn't snapped earlier.

Mom, you may want to stop reading now :)

First I made Hubs go through a bunch of stuff with me, and started throwing things away like crazy. I cleaned and organized Cricket and Little Mans room, and closet, and after an anxiety attack, and a lot of borrowed courage (from my mom) I boxed up all of Crickets too small clothes to give away. Then I lost it emotionally and cried for a good couple hours.

I'll be honest with you, it was not smart of me to do all of that activity, and I know that, but I just couldn't lay there another second. I am paying for it big time now, and had a scare, but things are ok. I promise Mom :)

There are so many emotions that are happening right now, many I wasn't prepared to deal with so fully. They all came to a head the other day, and I had reached my maximum capacity.

I don't choose to dwell on this moment in time, but I felt like it was important to be realistic on what I am dealing with.

Many people have told me how they would love to be confined to bed, and have no worries or jobs (and I'll be honest I once thought that it would be pretty great). But the truth of the matter is it is hard on both your body and your mind. I have never felt so helpless, or worthless in my life. It is a kind of despair and helplessness I can't describe to you, and the pain that your body goes through is something I didn't know would happen.

There is only so much tv one person can watch, and only so long I can read, or lay down before you want to shoot the tv.


I was talking to my dear cousin-friend today, and telling her my worries and anxiety about the pregnancy, and the baby coming, and not feeling of not being able to take care of myself or the baby. How I was worried that I would somehow resent Little Man for all of this stuff... But then she told me to think about that moment when I held Cricket for the first time, and how somehow the world just seemed right for one small moment. How all of the pain and literal Hell I had been through before was all somehow worth it, and somehow didn't matter anymore, once that baby was in your arms.

I remember so vividly when I finally got to hold my daughter. Knowing so deeply that I would have given, and would give my entire life for her. And I will hold that moment and feelings with me until I can hold this sweet baby and the world will again be right.

That all of this; the literal hell, pain, insomnia, appointments, missing my child, feeling like I am going to snap, every second of it will be worth it in a few months, and in a few months I won't regret a single moment of it. This is what I will chose to remember, and this is what I will hold onto to make it through.

And next time I snap, I'll just binge on some ice cream instead :)

I may be stubborn, but I am not stupid!

Just a moment of ventation (is that even a word?)

I am nearly 26 years old. Ok? And I have already have a child. We clear on that? I am not in fact a child myself. Let alone a 5 year old child.

I may be stubborn, but I am not stupid. I would NEVER EVER do anything that would harm my child, so please do not criticize every second, and decision I make um k?

Also, this actually only applies to a few specific people... Not to my family :) So don't stress Mom! I'm not referring to you I promise! I couldn't do this without you! :)

I appreciate all of the care and concern that we have received during this hard time. I really really do! I also don't want people to think that I am ungrateful, which I am not, just a wee bit frustrated :)

Thank Heavens for Grandmas!

What's better than rocking and cuddling with mama when you're sick? Grandma!

Thank goodness for my awesome Mom taking care of Cricket while she is sick!

Here's hoping they both get some sleep tonight!

Pillow Pets

When I first saw these things I couldn't believe how dumb I thought they were... Well, turns out my little girl is in love with them.

Anyway Hubs and I found a killer deal on a puppy one, and my brother took it to her at Grandma's house today. Not a day too soon. Little Cricket is sick today, and now she has a little snuggle buddy since mommy can't be there.

Turns out they aren't so silly after all :)

Proof

Here is a little proof of the damage bedrest does to ones body. This is what happens to my body twice a week after the chiropractor visit. Mind you, this is all up and down my back and on my neck and shoulders. It's pretty special.

Potty training

Cricket has always been really amazing and weaning herself from things. She weaned herself off her binky at 6 months and never looked back. She threw it on the floor, and never wanted it again.

At a 12 months she no longer wanted her bottle. I was worried because she was quite attached to it, but one day she threw it, picked up a sippy and has never wanted one again. Same thing happened with the transition from formula to milk. It was not a weaning process.

I have been waiting for something horrible to happen since she has decided all these things herself, some habit that she just can't break.

Well, we bought her a little potty a bit ago from Ikea ($4 people) and one day she decided she was going to use it. And she hasn't looked back. Did I mention she is 18 months old? And she pees, and poops in the potty? Everyday?

My mom said that since she has been staying there (we are on week three) she has only had to change one poopy diaper. Yep, just one. That's my kid. And she tells you that she has to go pee or poo poo.

My child is amazing. I can't believe how she just raises herself!

It will be interesting to see how little man turns out...

Anyway, I got an email from my Mom today, made me laugh so hard, so I thought I would share part of it:
I wish you could have seen what I just saw. I laughed until I cried! It reminded me of another little girl. She was sitting on the potty. I think she likes the pants she has on today. The navy blue ones with the colored dots. "Cute!" Anyway, She was sitting on the potty and tried to put the pants on herself. It was so cute! But we did manage to get them on, after the diaper!
Love,
Mom

Netflix

With our tax return Hubs and I got a new tv. It was set up with Netflix. It has been a LIFESAVER.

We have a futon in our living room right now, that is permanently set up as a bed for me. So when I migrate from our room, I come get on the futon and watch a little Netflix. I love that there are quite a few oldies but goodies on there, Cosby, Murder She Wrote...

I am always on the hunt for a new good show to watch, so any suggestions are welcome.

I am also looking for new books, and projects I can do from a horizontal position, that cost little to no money.

With my severe pregnancy insomnia that I seem to get Netflix has kept me sane. Between that and Hulu, I can watch most anything I want, without paying for cable. I can handle $7.99 a month for a little help keeping my sanity.

"Did you just have your baby?"

I had quite an eventful and busy day, compared to my life lately...

I had a dentist appt, an optometrist appt, and a chiropractic appt. Luckily Hubs was able to pack me around like the invalid that I am.

It is the longest I have been out of the house for two months.

First I will regale you with my dentist story...
I needed one tooth filled (A miracle folks, cause I was pretty certain I would have about 50 cavities and a root canal) and needed to get my teeth clean (can I get a hallelujah? Who doesn't like their teeth cleaned?). A few interesting things happened while at the dentist to Hubs and I.

First I will start with Hubs. He waited in the waiting room for me, and while in there got to listen IN DETAIL to a man confess to his spouse about his torrid affair... Did I mention she made him tell her exact IN DEPTH details? Yep... It's true.... Sadly.

Second, it's been awhile since I had my teeth cleaned... Um like 8 years (shame I know, but I have a deep fear of dentists since my last experience). I had forgotten the strangeness of getting your teeth cleaned. My question is this: If the Dentist, AND the hygienist get protective eye wear, how come the patient doesn't? Cause I'm pretty sure I don't want my own spit in my eye. Just saying. Also, if you can see I have a gigantic canker sore in my mouth, please do not insist on using the sucker machine only on that spot in my mouth. It hurts real bad. And it's actually not real funny turns out.

Third and last dentist story: Once the dentist finished up, and the hygienist is "polishing" my teeth (fancy word for brushing them real hard and halfheartedly) She says to me: "Did you just have your baby?" Um... no, I'm due in June. "Oh so your just like 6 weeks pregnant then?" Um... no I'm 25 weeks pregnant. "Oh, well are you sure?" Yep. Pretty sure. "Well, you don't look like you're pregnant... You just look like you have the post baby flub." Ok? Thanks? I think?

Also, why do they insist on asking you tons of questions, while you have all the instruments in your mouth, and then get upset at you when you answer?

Next up: The Optometrist. I am blind in one eye. Perfect vision in my other eye. Strange I know, another special thing I here about often. As a child I had one coke bottle lens and one plain plastic lens. In high school I graduated to contact. Not contacts, contact. Obviously in my blind eye. So I got some new glasses (which I haven't wore since I was about 12). Well turns out my blind eye has gotten worse by 4 steps, and has developed a pretty severe astigmatism; while my other eye has somehow maintained perfect vision (it's amazing I know). So now my glasses are even more special than before. Anyway, moral of the story is, I went to pick my glasses up and adjusted. Well the man asked me which side I thought was lower, so I tell him. He shouts at me and says (no lie) "Wrong!" Yep. Well sir, why did you ask me then? He continues to adjust my glasses and then tells me like I am a five year old wearing my first pair of glasses how careful I need to be, and to not attempt to adjust them myself. Ok? Pretty sure I am smart enough to figure that one out all by myself thanks!

Chiropractor: I have been seeing a really great chiropractor, that specializes in pregnancy, and bed rest. Which is right up my alley :) But since I don't move much my muscles get really tight and don't allow for an easy adjustment. And because of the way I have to lay and the long periods of time I am down, the adjustments are pretty intense every time I go. Twice a week. He said I should go three times. A week. That is the havoc I am currently reeking on my body by doing absolutely nothing. In order to do the adjustment, he has to do some incredibly deep tissue massage. With this tool that is my enemy. It is incredible pain, and then my back labor kicks in. It is horrible. Probably some of the most intense pain I have EVER experienced. And I am not exaggerating. The adjustment hurts so good, but the deep tissue part, horrible. And it hurts for at least two days after. Good thing I am already confined to bed, because I am fairly certain I would end up there anyway lol.

Pretty sure I'm gonna go ice my back now :)

157

157 miles is how far my little Cricket is away from me. :(

Today I am thankful for skype which brings her from my parents living room to my bed. Just wish you could give kisses and cuddles through a laptop! But it's still amazing to watch her.

Last night Hubs and I watched her play "secretary", which is currently one of her favorite games. Grandma let her play with the junk mail which she opened and went through. She also showed us how she can play with her new ball. She and Papa had quite a time with that. In some ways seeing her like that makes it a little easier to have her gone... but in some ways it makes me miss her worse. I start to think all the things I'm missing, and all the sweet messy kisses I don't get. They change so much everyday at this age.

The one thing that keeps me going is knowing that where she is, she is loved. And she loves who she is with. She is getting snuggles, and kisses, and all the attention an 18 month old could want.

Blessed

I have noticed that in situations like this, when I feel at my worst; selfish, exhausted, disgusting, sore, and a huge failure; are the times that bring out the best in those closest to me.

I have seen generosity and selflessness that I have never experienced before.

My mother has always been an incredible woman. She is who I aspire to be like. She is the kindest, sweetest, most generous person I have ever met. Well, this past month I have grown more and more impressed, and surprised by her selflessness.

Cricket has from her very first day had a very close relationship to Grandma (Gigi). She through all my health issues has spent lots of time with my Mom. My Mom, on many many occasions has dropped everything to come and take care of not only me, but Cricket after surgery or illness. I have always been able to count on her.

Well this situation takes the cake. My Mom prepared a room for Cricket, and has loved and raised her just like her own. She hasn't just taken her in and watched her, she has loved her, and cuddled her, and played with her. She has treated her like she was always been meant to be there. It has touched my heart, and has made me love my Mom on a deeper level. As a mother she knows the heartache that comes from not being able to take care of your child, and all of the many insane emotions that I am experiencing.

I can always count on her to be a listening ear, and give me a hug and comfort when I need it most. And I can't think of anyone more perfect to fill my void with Cricket while I am down. As hard as it is, (which honestly is the HARDEST thing I have ever gone through), I think it would be unbearable if Cricket weren't with my Mom.

Someday I hope I can be half as amazing as my Mom!

Really?!

Have you ever noticed that some people never seem to spell your name correctly even when you tell them (and show them) how to spell it about 5000 times?

Example: I spell my name Jessie, and it says that on my Facebook profile, but yet, the same person (well, people) spell it wrong, every time! Come on people, it's right there in front of your face! Ugh.

It's really not a difficult name to spell... It's not like Prince's name, well symbol, or P-Diddy, or whatever he is calling himself these days, that changes all the time.

The worst thing about it, is one of those people that constantly spells my name wrong, is related to me... Yep... true story.

Wheelchair Adventures

You know those motorized wheel chairs at the grocery store?

Well if I do venture out, I am forced to use one of these. Let me warn you, they are not all create equal. Some of them turn on a dime, some of them take a football field to turn around in. All of them BEEP really loud when you back up. Some of them turn off if you shift your weight even slightly, and basically all of them make you feel like a complete n00b when you are forced to drive them.

I love how people see a younger person in one and automatically assume, that I get some kind of freakish pleasure out of driving one around. Turns out I have a valid reason to be in one thanks.

The other day, while waiting for my prescriptions to be done, Hubs, Cricket and I were perusing our local Associated Foods store. Turns out the wheelchair I had picked didn't stop when it was supposed too... Which resulted in me running into various things, and people... including one very small little girl. Yep. That's me... Watch out!

We notified the store, and it wasn't until I ran one of their baggers over while in the checkout that they believed me. The next day Hubs said there was a sign on said wheelchair that said: "Warning, doesn't stop". Please feel free to use it anyway?

As much as I loathe Wal-Mart, they have the BEST motorized wheelchairs, the "Amigos". They actually move at a pace in which when I am driving one, Hubs doesn't have to walk in slow motion to walk with me. And they turn like a dream :)

Another adventure involved the same AF store, but what I am assuming was a different chair (this chair moved about .0009 mph). As I was getting into the chair, I could hear a couple talking about how people abuse the wheelchair privleges, and how I am probably just to fat and lazy to actually walk while I shop (mind you just walking into the store from the car caused me to go into full contractions, and hard back labor and severe pain, I am obviously in pain, and Hubs said I had no color in my face at all, so obviously something was wrong). This boy (trying to impress his date) tells her that he had to show is scars to an associate to be permitted to use the wheelchair after surgery (Um? Really? Cause I have never seen the wheelchair police before...so?). The girl told him how brave he was and I hoped we would not see them again... Well turns out they needed EVERYTHING we needed. Yep. And they commented about how lazy I was the entire time.... In the ice cream isle (I'm pregnant give me a break) the boy was trying to pick out a flavor of ice cream with the girl. She tells him that she will only eat no fat no sugar soy frozen yogurt so she doesn't get fat (really?), but her favorite treat is celery, so maybe they should just get that (seriously? Let's be realistic, there won't be a second date... no one, I mean no one picks celery over ice cream!). When they got close to us, I loudly tell Hubs to give me the biggest, fattiest tub of ice cream he can find, since I'm fat and lazy anyway, and rolled off, leaving the twig to her celery :)

Where I come from Housewives don't act like that

With all this free time on my hands, I have run out of "wholesome" shows to watch, and have become (embarrassingly) addicted to shows about "real" housewives.

I must have missed the memo about acting, dressing, and talking like a playboy model made you a "real" housewife. Huh. Interesting...

Where I come from housewives are decent women who drop everything for their kids. They aren't just an accessories that someone else raises, and we don't go out of our way to make complete fools of ourselves.

Today I stumbled upon a show that Dr. Phil is doing called "The Housewives". I could not believe what these women make ordinary wholesome housewives look like. It's embarrassing to be to be clumped into the same category with them.

Can't we go back to the days where June Cleaver was an amazing example of a "real" housewife? Instead of women who parade around hitting each other and letting "various" body parts jump out of their clothes? Women with language so vulgar, and no manners, or ladylike qualities about them?

This all makes me want to go hang some clothes on the line, and bake some cookies with my little girl. Oh, and don't forget put some casserole in the oven for dinner :)

Finding your bliss

My sister has been on a constant quest to find her bliss. This has inspired me to find things, even in the everyday ordinary, that give me bliss.

Since as a general rule Mondays are not blissful days, I have decided it is the day I will set aside to share my bliss for the past week.

This past week, I have two things that really brought me bliss.

First is this little cutie coming for a visit (I hadn't seen her for 2 weeks!)




Second, is dark chocolate hot coca. Yum! Just wish I didn't have to wait for the hubs to come home to have some :)

What gives you bliss?

Confessions of a Blogstalker

I will admit it. I have a dirty little secret. I am a blogstaker. I get so fascinated by peoples lives, and what some people will write about! I get so frustrated when people take months to update their blogs. I also get irritated when someone has their blog set to private.

Another confession? Well, my personal family blog is private, and I get really weirded out when I find out strange people have been blogstalking me... So why do I feel the need to do it to others? Suppose I am crazy.

Now that I have so much time on my hands, and a laptop my addiction has gotten worse. I need a hobby, one that doesn't involve reading about someone I went to middle school with life.

Mama said there'd be days like this...

Cricket came down on Saturday to visit for the weekend. She went home with Papa and Grandma today. It was incredibly hard, and I spent most of the afternoon crying.

Cricket is going through her own little struggle right now... She has a dislocation problem in her limbs, which causes her a great deal of pain at times. It is hard to send your kid away, but when you add that to the mix, it about kills you. Luckily she is scheduled for surgery next month. Turns out she needs to have her birthmark biopsied for cancer as well. We are really hoping they can do it all the same day.

I never understood how hard it would be to let my child go. She is my entire world, and she is my bestest little friend. My Mom keeps telling me, that I need to focus on taking care of Little Man right now, and making sure he makes it here ok, but it makes me feel like I'm betraying her by sending her away.

This has been an emotional time for me, and I have felt like a failure in about every way possible. I often wish, and pray that I could have normal working parts. There are so many issues happening there, I can't keep track of them all.

I pray everyday for the strength to handle this, and the strength the keep a positive attitude, and stay happy. It's a constant battle, but I know in the end it will be worth it.

Tomorrow will be better :) I'm sure of it. Now only if I could get some sleep?

Laugh? Or Cry?

My Mom once told me you can either laugh or you can cry. Well I have done a lot of crying over the past few months, and I have decided it's time to laugh.

Let's get one thing straight right now: Bed rest? It sucks! It is cruel and inhumane, and it tests every ounce of patience one has about three hours in. It's difficult in every way. In my case even your bathroom privileges are on a schedule. You cannot cook for yourself, clean up your house even when it's falling apart around you. You can't do simple basic tasks that you had taken for granted before hand. One of the worst things for me, is I can't take care of my daughter. I can't lift her, I can't bathe her, and I can't chase her around the house. My husband and I made the decision two weeks ago to have Cricket go stay with Grandma and Papa for awhile, so that Little Man could stay in. Honestly, that has been the hardest thing I have EVER had to do! Luckily she loves them and has a really good relationship with them, but it breaks my heart to send my little one away.

Since my husband works full time and goes to school at nights, and Cricket is away I spend on average 16 hours alone EVERY day. It is horrid. It's not this glamorous business that we like to think it is. Napping when you want, eating what you want, watching what you want, doing what you want. Nope. Not a chance. It is incredibly boring and frustrating in about every way. Since you can't move, you have no appetite, which means you don't gain the weight that you need. You're entire body hurts, and you get these horrible headaches, and if you don't move enough you get sores, but if you move too much, you have horrible contractions. Taking a shower is a huge ordeal, and just about takes all the energy you have to stay upright until you can rinse your shampoo away. And daytime tv? Are you kidding me?!

As I said before I occasionally cheat (don't you judge me, this is hard!) and make my husband take me to a quick car ride, or make him take me when he picks up my prescriptions (I use the wheel chair, no worries concerned citizens). And I have never been so excited to have tests or Dr.s appts in my life, because I get to leave the house, and talk to someone, even if it's only for five minutes.

I have learned to make my life interesting, and entertain myself, cause let's face it, there isn't anyone else to do it right now. Hopefully it will entertain you as well :)

Introduction Time :)

I guess it would be best for me to start with a little introduction.

I have 25, a full time wife and mama. I have a sweet 18 month old girl (Cricket), and am currently 25 weeks (today) pregnant with a feisty boy (Little Man). My husband works full time, and goes to school at night.

I am going on my 6th week of fully restrictive bed rest. Due to preterm labor brought on by Placenta Previa, and a Placental Abruption, and a multitude of other complications, I have been required to stay down, and stay put for the duration. I have 9 weeks of bed rest and labor before it's "safe" for me to have Little Man via c-section. I have 15 weeks until my due date.

I am currently in my 9th week of preterm labor. I basically move from my bed to a futon made into a bed, and back to my bed again. Occasionally I cheat and make my husband take me to get an ice cream cone, or pick up my prescriptions so I don't lose my mind. This is where many of my adventures happen.

My first pregnancy was difficult, and we nearly lost our little girl during delivery. The year following her birth was an incredibly hard year health wise for me. In that year I underwent 5 surgeries, countless tests, and dr's appts, and was diagnosed with an incredibly rare form of cancer; which was treated with surgery and hormones. Having our first child was beyond a miracle, and we never dreamed of having a second, so we will take him anyway we can. From the very first day of this pregnancy everything seemed to go wrong. I was even told that I had lost the baby, and underwent more countless tests and ultrasounds. It's anything less than ideal, but we feel very blessed to be able to be parents to one child let alone two.

I have decided to start this blog for two reasons. First, to keep sane. Secondly, to help me remember the adventures I have had in bed.